[temporary gasp for air]

the last few days have been "bittersweet"..."sweet" because its the most fun ive had in a while: bowling with cohort, harry potter 7 with small group, bon fire, UD football tailgate, and ud volleyball game tonight.... just legit fun and kind of helped me forget about the circumstance i am in...."bitter" because amidst all this happiness, im currently in the toughest two months ive ever had to face...

dealing with this debt has been the hardest thing...im living paycheck to paycheck, unable to pay off my credit card $4000 debt because i only get paid enough to pay what I owe that month, and unable to pay even the minimum per month...i would get notices in the mail with electricity and cable threatening to turn off service if I dont pay, and with God's grace I have been able to pay it at the last minute...

my car is proving to be a detriment to me, as i couple months ago the mechanics told me I needed new tires plus about $500 worth of brake repairs... so while I fear for my life as I drive, I know I can't afford to pay for even the new tires...

i even begged my work to increase my monthly disbursement of my stipend or giving me a lump sum to pay off my debt, but they said it goes against their policies....so I continue to incur interest as I fail to make payments for my credit card...

grad school decides to surprise me and make me pay for winter session, which had I known I had to pay for, would have not agreed to apply... but now I have to ask for  $4500 loan for winter session which I dont know how I'll get approved.

what's worse is that i have no support whatsoever... my parents are completely upset with me, and my mom has been ignoring my phone calls...the people who I usually can count on to provide me comfort and tell me "its going to be okay" have left me in the dust... im embarrassed to go home for thanksgiving because I dont want to show my face to my parents... i feel like ive failed them

one thing that has gotten me through was the notion that despite this, God has provided me a victory and I need to understand that while I am struggling in this world, its only temporary and will pass....I know God is testing my faith to see if will remain faithful even in the desert.... "God doesn't necessarily change our circumstances but changes our perspective"--FCA 2010 quote. I'm trying to keep in mind that He will provide and that he has "plans for me, to prosper and not harm me, to provide me hope and a future.."--Jeremiah 29:11

while these times are somber and my circumstances are rough... I understand that "to everything, there is a season, a time to every purpose under the heavens... a time to break down, a time to build up.... a time to laugh, a time to cry, a time to weep, a time to dance..." Ecclessiastes 3:1-8....I don't know what season or reason for everything.. but I know He has a purpose for everything.... when I figure that out, I'll let you know....

Thanks for all the prayers and support....

Marc