[He gives and takes away]

Now that classes are over for my undergraduate career, I've had lots of time to think and reflect on life, and more importantly how much God has blessed me the last 4 years here at the University of Delaware. Graduation is within a week or so, and pretty soon I'm done with school and off to the real world.......ehhh scratch that.. not quite... if you've been following me, you know I'm back here for grad school in the fall... anyways, it's definitely not going to be the same in the fall and a totally new experience and lifestyle.

But what has been going through my head lately is how throughout my four years here, God has provided. He's provided financially, to be able to afford school as well as my high maintenance lifestyle. He's provided me with the strength to do well in school and to keep up with my grades(I don't know how I did it!). He gave me the chance for graduate school as well as an assistantship to pay for it FULLY and give me a yearly stipend on top of it. He's provided me with hundreds of thousands of amazing relationships and friendships, some that I have kept for all this time, or some that were only meant for a snapshot of my life. He's provided me with people I could just share my life with, in the happiest of moments, the saddest of moments, and the angriest of moments. They've been there for me, thanks to Him. He's provided me comfort the last four years and has helped me feel safe. His peace has allowed me to feel unstressed and at ease in my life.

However, the most beautiful thing that God has done for me(which is beautiful in hindsight, maybe not at the time) is that He's taken all of this away from me at some point. There were times in my life where I struggled financially, times where I was rejected from schools, there were dead ends and it seemed as if there was no tomorrow. There were times when I had no one to look to for strength, no one to talk to, no one who would understand what I was feeling-- times when I was just alone. Times of desperation, depression and sadness, with that painful, achy feeling that just wouldn't go away. There were times when everything that could go wrong, went wrong, times when doors were shut and it felt like the world was against me. It felt like God was against me.....

But it was those times that God had spoken to me and asked me "Marc, where do you find your strength in? Where is your hope in? Where is your faith stored? It is not in money, for money is a gift I provide not a deity to worship. It is not in your reputation or what you've accomplished, for those will come and go and fade away. It is not in friendships and relationships, for just like you, are man-made and are flawed and are subject to failure at some point. Yes it is true I have provided all these for you, and it is I whom you need to find your strength in. It is I who has suffered, endured pain, and died to save you. It is I who still provides when you forget about me. I have never left you. I was always there."

God blesses us and takes it away from us to help us realize where our heart lies. Where do we find our fulfillment? Where do we find our hope? In things on Earth that will die out and decay--or in things that will last forever? Sometimes, the things He provides us become our Hope and Faith, and they become higher than the God who provided it. He wants us to realize that above all things, we need to find our hope in Him....and not to rely fully on the gifts He's provided us, because He can easily take those away. But what will never leave is His eternal love for us.

Job was a sinless and faithful man... and at one point God took away EVERY blessing given to Job. And yet Job says, " The Lord gives, the Lord takes away. Blessed be the name of the Lord." -Job 1:22. I pray that in hard times, times of loneliness, times of depression and financial problems, times of failure and defeat, that you find God as your absolute source of hope.